Roll of the dice

What makes a good friend? I thought i was one. I knew it had been a while since I'd actually talked to a few of my friends...but it's summer...who's not crazy busy in summer? I didn't think that we had a moment to breathe...never mind picking up the phone for those friends that boycott social networking (yup there are those out there that do that...and it seems like half of them are my friends).

I've never been good at calling people...I'm _so_ not a phone person...but what I found out about myself this past wasn't very pretty. Someone, who I considered to be a close friend made what had to be one of the hardest decisions of her life...2 months ago. And I had no idea. That's how bad of a friend I've been. For 2 months she's been rebuilding her life and not a peep.

Now don't get me wrong...in no way am I blaming her for the lack of knowledge...I take that responsibility firmly on my shoulders. I've gotten far too comfortable with the anonymity that social networking allows me. I can see what goes on and feel connected to people even though, in reality I'm not.

In a world of instant messages, emails & texts have we actually forgotten how to communicate? Do we actually believe that by posting well wishes on someones page constitutes keeping in touch? Is throwing virtual livestock and 'poking' someone enough to maintain a friendship?

I'm starting to think not...but I have no idea how to go about remedying things...my cave is comfy...and real people are not. They're full of drama, emotions and judgement...things I can do without...but can I do without friends?

Time

Time.

There never seems to be enough of it. Late last night my husband and I were sitting up camparing calendars trying to figure out when we could possible get out for one last Kayak trip when we realized what we were facing. A calendar with full weekends for the entire month of October. Ummm...unacceptable.

So we started cutting things...there's something utterly depressing about knowing that you're not going to have a single free moment to do only what the spirit moves you to do. Sunday's are important for that...to not have a free one until November seemed unfathomable...especially since that's right around the time we'll be welcoming our first niece/nephew.

It's alomst like there's a desperate feel to this fall...we simply HAVE to get out for as many excusions as humanly possible before the snow arrives. Between 1/2 marathons, birthday BBQ's and project's going live the time seems to be slipping away from us.

Can it really already be almost the end of September? WTH??? Where did it go? I swear we just returned from our last trip of the year yesterday!

Alas but no. The trailer made it into storage earlier than ever this year. We usually delay it under the guise of maybe, just maybe we'll get out again...then scramble to avoid the dreaded water lines freezing.

We had our first hard frost here in Winnipeg last week...killed my tomato plants...that were covered. Now that's a hard frost. On the upside of that the tree's are starting to turn an amazing shade of red...this is going to be one amazingly colourful fall...and I want to see it up close and personal.

I don't want to be sitting here wishing I'd gotten out more, lamenting the loss of pretty red leaved pictures. Lets face it, with the weather we've had this year we could have winter hit fierce and hard in October or it may not snow until December. I'm not willing to take the chance.

Now don't take me wrong...i know that life doesn't end with the snow...in fact we've decided that this fall we're going to bite the bullet and buy cross country skis for the both of us...after all if you can hike it you can ski it...for the most part.

My kayak's calling me...she wants one last spin around that homey lake called St. Malo and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her down. I think it's time to practice the words I preach.

Stop. Look. Breathe. Enjoy.

There's a kind of hush...

...all over the world...

Or maybe it's just here. The weather finally broke, the heat's gone and there's a chill in the air that makes me smile. The time for shorts seems to be gone and there's a frost warning out for tonight...and I can't stop smiling about it. Don't get me wrong...summer was great. Even our september camping trip saw temps of +30 and up every day. Which by the way takes a bit away from the "fall" camping experience.

The birds have started their annual pilgrammge to warmer lands. Last week I heard them before I saw them, but I did infact get to see that perfect "v" formation of a flock of Sandhill cranes. A first. and I loved it. I think I might have to hit the marsh today...just to see what's hanging around.

Erase

Why is it that one negative comment can erase all of the hard work?

While out for my morning run I experienced an all time low. As I passed by a woman watering her lawn with her small son she apparently felt the need to call out insults about my body and running speed.

Every one's told me that they would have confronted her, but I think that I was just in too much shock. Did I just really hear what I thought I heard? Is someone that looks like _that_ making fun of my new body? My 65lb lighter body? As I'm running? Really?

What is it in women that make them feel that they have to tear down someone else in order to feel better about themselves? Was she just so jealous that I have the motivation to change my life and she's still a bitter shrew?

I'm just as guilty at time I know...as soon as I got home I was ranting to the air about the short shorts she had on that were so far up certain parts of her body they were indecent. Not to mention the multiple chins and belly fat rolls. In some ways that makes me no better than her...but in my defense if you're going to lob a bomb at me be prepared for retaliation.

I'll admit it...it got to me. I was almost in tears. It's one thing to know that there are people out there who don't know me that still look at me as a "fat" person. It's another thing to actually have someone say something so horrid while you're still within hearing distance.

I've worked hard. I've added 4 half marathons to my resume this year for a total of 6...and I've registered for more this fall. I've changed my lifestyle, my eating habits, my body. So why does the one comment from a small minded, bitter shrew who looks the lady trash heap threw up on her get inside my head? (See? I'm no better...)

Is it because no matter how hard you try those insecurities never go away? I know that I'm in better shape than most of my friends. I know that I'm in better shape that 80% of the population these days. I run 5 days a week...hike, bike and kayak every weekend and ALL of my vacations focus around those activities.

So why have I given her that power over me? Could it be as simple as wanting to correct her mis-assumptions? Do I long to put her in her place in front of the people on her street? Or do I feel the need to educate her teeny tiny mind?

So remember people...the next time you see someone out exercising that doesn't look like the cover of a magazine, maybe instead of thinking something nasty, feel happy for them that they're trying to make a difference in their lives. It's the small minded people like the witch at #24 that make it harder than it needs to be.

Thumper said it best. "If you can't say something nice, Don't say nothin' at all".

Rain

As I sit here in my living room recuperating from my latest self induced injury (apparently the weekend of paddling was a bit more vicious than I'd thought), I can't help but notice the clouds rolling in. The rooms getting darker...almost to the point where I might need to turn on a light or two. It's nice. I know it's only august but after one of the hottest July's on record, I find myself not minding if nature would take over my watering duties for a day or two.

Every thing's bone dry...I find myself watering my vegetable garden every night. The grass has stopped growing and turned a lovely shade of brown. Tree's are stressed out and I'm running out of tank tops. The house is actually cold for the first time in what seems like forever...and I'm loving it. I threw on my new fleece to ward off the chill...I love the feel of a sweater. They're like a big giant hug.

I know, I know I could just open up the windows to warm up the house, but really what's the point? It'll just make the A/C work harder tomorrow. Besides I like being cold. I think it's because it reminds me of my favourite time of the year. Fall.

Every thing's cozy. The smell of fallen leaves, the crispness in the air, all letting me know that heavy socks and fireplaces are just around the corner. I like those gloomy days of rain...you know the ones...where you tuck in with a good book and a glass of wine or a cup of Hot Chocolate. Bing Crosby croons at me from the stereo telling me it's cold outside...and I find myself inclined to believe him.

I know that Fall's around the corner...the signs are all here, but for now I'm going to enjoy what's left of our summer...although I know that next week when I head out to my favourite campground I know that if I head to the main parking lot, I'll find it smells like fall. The silver poplar leaves will have started their annual pilgrimage to the ground and I know that I'll sit amongst the leaves and breathe deep. In the shade of course, because it shall inevitably be another scorching week of blistering heat.

Bliss

Bliss. It's a word that I haven't had many occasions to use up until recently. I find myself feeling constantly blessed for the places I find myself at these days. Pine point Rapids, Caddy lake, La Barriere Park, North Cross Lake...I could go on and on, but I won't. All of these places have allowed me to witness aspects of nature that you don't really get to come across living in the city.

The picture of the blue bird on the left was and impromptu spotting at birdshill park. I'll admit the rush that I felt was like no other. The knowledge that from 50feet away I KNEW it was a bird I had to chase, came from somewhere inside. Now please don't get me wrong. I know that the picture's far from perfect...if only his beak was on the other side of the branch! What I've come to realize is that perfection truly is in the eye of the beholder. The fact that I managed to get anything that was in focus at all was the real victory. That feeling of being allowed the privilege of crossing it's path was one that I will never forget.

Up until this past weekend I never really thought that feeling would exceeded...boy was I wrong. The picture just to the left is one that was taken on south cross lake, just before the tunnel that leads to north cross lake. We'd decided to embark on our most ambitious paddle trip yet...16 km...out and back. Now this doesn't sound like much to seasoned paddlers...I feel that one must also take into account the fact that we have our dog with us on all of our paddles. And let's not forget that this is our first year with kayaks!

I found myself constantly drinking in all of the stunning beauty wondering what could possibly surpass the wonder I was witnessing. Wouldn't you know it...something always did. Stunning views greeted us around every turn each one more breathtaking than the last. The moment we saw a momma black bear and her teeny tiny cub ambling down to the shoreline for a drink scared the crap out of me (we were on our way into shore to stop for lunch...we moved on) but then I realized as they ran up the hill I was seeing something most wouldn't...and probably never will.

Nature yet again was putting on a show and it was all for me...what was she going to present me with next? Why lily pads and watre lilies of course. As I glided though the bobbinh flowers I realized that there was only one word that could describe the experience. Bliss. I was sore, tired, cranky and hungry but what I felt at a most basic level was bliss. I think the next time I think something impossible, I'm going to go right head and do it.

Summer's here

Wow. I guess I've been slightly remiss in my blog postings...but in my defence I started a 365 project and between that and camping and birding there just doesn't seem to be time to sit down on the computer. I'd rather be outside...for the most part.

Most of the country seem to be caught up in an insane heat wave...we had it here for a week and it took everything I had no to lose it and start wailing like a child that "it's not fair". It's far more tolerable now but I found it unsettling that I, 'Ms. Optimism" wanted to complain about the weather to everyone around me. What was worse though were the sniveling comments I would get about how at least it was better than snow.

Really? Now I have to remind myself that these comments were made by people that live indoors, play indoors, sleep indoors...basically they don't ever go outside. So I guess in some twisted way it was more pleasant...for them. Me on the other hand I need to be outside. Running, hiking, biking, birding, Kayaking, skiing are all things I love to do and +47'C is too hot to any of it...especially the skiing.

A Friend of mine pointed out that that's what Winnipeggers do...they B*@$h about the weather. It made me wonder where do I fit in? Am I a chronic complainer? Or am I as upbeat as I'd like to think I am? My conclusion?

I just don't like extremes. -40'C sucks...as does +45'C...anything that prevents me from playing outside I don't like. The upside of the -40'C is that I can hit a hiking trail in the woods and start shedding layers almost immediatly...no wind = no windchill. +45'C means I'm stuck indoors so my heat/sun stroke doesn't rear it's ugly head again.

All in all though if all I can complain about in life is that the weather's less than Ideal for outdoor play I guess I'm pretty damn lucky.